Vulnerability, Prayers and My Desire to Use Power Tools | Hearts on Fire by Kari Rae, Oregon Love Photographer
Kings Kaleidoscope. They are Jesus-loving music makers who teach me so much about beauty, art, inspiration, and using my gifts to bring Him glory.
"God gives you these gifts and He gives you a huge love to play music. And then He gives you a platform to do it for Him. And you use it for yourself. (sigh) I've totally done that. Back & forth, it's always been like... if I'm doing it so I can prove something to myself or prove something to the world, it's always left me really unsatisfied.
And then anytime I've been able to just release and let go, I feel like 'I actually don't care about anything right now except being satisfied in You, Jesus.'
Then it's always like God allows something crazy to happen."
This testimony of God's goodness is not necessarily a new one to me. How many times have I heard or lived a similar story? I think this must be the case because most of us need to experience it for ourselves. Silly us :)
I am given a gift, despite what I deserve or "earn."
I think I earned it, and I dive in and it becomes my life. It becomes my identity.
I realize that what I do/create never feels like enough, so I do/create more & more & more... or I stop creating altogether because I compare myself to other people and their gifts and feel like a pile of poo... or I keep going but without the belief that my gift is given on purpose and that huge amazing things can come of it.
Finally, and thankfully, I remember God and His goodness and His promises and I give it up to Him. Often hesitantly or unwillingly, but other times very eagerly...happily throwing it all in His hands and thanking Him that that's off my chest. :)
For Kings Kaleidoscope, this "crazy" is recording an incredible worship album in the empty cafeteria of a middle school. Trombones and all. :)
For me right now, this crazy is Hearts on Fire.
Oh my word, what a dream it has been! I've had a successful photography company for a few years now, and in all honesty there have been times when I used it for myself. Unsatisfying is the perfect word for those moments!
And there have been times when I have sought Jesus alone, and joy and life come in abundance. This new business gives us a chance to start fresh & re-commit these gifts into the hands of the Almighty God. (phew!)
If you are willing, I'd like to ask you to pray for us. This business is built with a mission to enhance marriages, which were originally created by God. It's not by our ability or qualifications or anything we earn that this will work... it's by His power and grace and love. And we pray that we continue to see what He's building and working on so that we might join Him with those far-too-heavy-but-oh-so-fun power tools.
"I don't even think my own music is ever going to be that amazing, or great, and I don't need it to be. But I still get to be myself and watch God do amazing things with what I can create (which isn't that amazing). And that is what's ultra-amazing, is watching God do amazing things with what I can make that's okay. That's incredible!"
Amen to that. ;) Right after he said that, they went into this song. My prayer and my heart...
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
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